The ramblings of things that make me…um, well…me.
Ahoy, Hipsters! Welcome to another “The Random 5…”, a spot in which I sit down with writers (or people I deem awesome enough to interview) and ask them five random questions.
Today’s guest…the man…the myth…the legend…the…uh…well, you get the idea…Mr. Jesse James Freeman!
A quick little run down of how I met Mr. Freeman.
Luna: Yo, Stephanie…here’s a really cool book to read. And here’s the author…he is pretty cool too.
JJFreeman: Hi. Buy my book…it’s badass…and stuff.
Stephanie: Um…I don’t know…let me think…
Luna: Doooo iiiiiit…
JJFreeman: Tell you what…if you buy my book and don’t like it, I’ll give you your 99 cents back.
Stephanie: Well… (actually, before he had offered the money back guarantee, I had already decided to get it)
Luna: Doooo iiiiiit…
JJFreeman: Even better…buy the book…if you don’t like it I’ll have pizza delivered to your place.
Stephanie: Um…sure…that works. *clicks “buy book” on Amazon*
Luna and JJFreeman: *happy dance that Stephanie can’t see, but she is sure they are dancing…like this video*
Needless to say, I did not get my 99 cents back…or pizza…however I did gain an amazingly awesome friend! He probably won’t admit it out loud, but I’m sure he thinks I’m pretty awesome too…and humble. *snicker* Oh, and I got a new book to tell all my friends and random strangers about. My review is here.
Anyway, while reading his first book BILLY PURGATORY: I AM THE DEVIL BIRD, we had so much fun talking and joking around that Jesse decided he wanted to interview me for his blog as his very first “Reader Spotlight”. To see how that interview went, click either here or on the link to the left titled “I’m Featured… (Jesse James Freeman / Billy Purgatory)”.
At the time, Jesse was working on his follow up to I AM THE DEVIL BIRD, titled BILLY PURGATORY AND THE CURSE OF THE SATANIC FIVE (which is out now…clicky click the link, Hipsters!) And just like with Steven Luna (JOE VAMPIRE, author), I managed to weasel my way into reading it. 🙂 Somehow I manage to get my way…again…ha! I have a way with the authors, apparently. As with DEVIL BIRD, I had lots of fun talking about SATANIC FIVE with Jesse as I’m reading it. And he is getting instant feedback from me, so it is win-win!
So, you ask…did I like SATANIC FIVE?
Is the Pope a Catholic?
Does The Doctor travel in a TARDIS?
Yes! I loved the book so much so that when I was inching nearer to the end, I couldn’t stop reading and ended staying up until 3:30am to finish it!
You can check out my Amazon review here. 😉
As you all may remember (or maybe not), the Book Hipster family went to Disney World in August…and with us went my paperback copy of BILLY PURGATORY. Hijinks ensued. You can check out my post of that adventure here. Jesse was so amused with my fun that he decided to interview me again…yes again! Click either here or the 2nd “I’m featured…” link to the left to check that out.
If you’d like to learn MORE about Jesse, you can find him on his Website , Twitter , Facebook , Tumblr and Goodreads. To check out his books, BILLY PURGATORY: I AM THE DEVIL BIRD and BILLY PURGATORY AND THE CURSE OF THE SATANIC FIVE…click anywhere you see the name of the book in capital letters. 🙂
Um…I’m sure I could keep on going at this point, but I’d love for you to read the answers Jesse gave for his edition of “The Random 5…” be prepared to laugh so hard you’ll wish you were wearing some Depends.
*Disclaimer – The following Question/Answer series is intended to be for entertainment purposes only. The Book Hipster and Mr. Jesse James Freeman are not responsible for anything that may occur whilst reading said Question/Answer series such as falling off chairs in laughter or peeing your pants. Thank you.*
1 – First and foremost, do you always bribe your potential readers with the promise of free pizza? or was I your first? Have you done it again since then or plan to implement it someway into marketing of your future books?
It’s not always pizza. One time I traded this dude a couple of water buffalo (I realized that farming was not for me. Or mornings. Or trying to get water buffalo to “do it” with each other so you get more water buffalo). I went through the entire Adam & Eve catalog and there is nothing in there to get a couple of water buffalo “in the mood for livestock amore”. I even set up my JVC out on the back forty and cranked up a playlist of Barry White, Elvis Costello, and Enya. Nothing. I really don’t understand how those things aren’t extinct already. Maybe it’s because T-Rex’s didn’t think they were sexy enough to eat? Plus, it’s super difficult to hang a disco ball over a water buffalo pen.
So I gave up water buffalo farming and decided that pizza would be easier. The post office won’t let me mail chili-cheese fries, even though that’d be totally safe. Canned chili never goes bad, it’s like a fine bottle of MD 20/20. Always better with age.
2 – If you had your own late night talk show, what would it be called and who would be your first guest? Also…what would you talk to them about?
Since what I write is emotionally-unavailable vampire-girlfriend meets skateboarder badass romance, women’s contemporary fiction to be precise-like, I think if I was on late night TV I’d be The View, but it’d just be me – and probably Whoopi. I might let that Elizabeth Hasselhoff chick go all Paul Shaffer. I think maybe banging out some New Order on a synthesizer might loosen her up a little bit. She was so cool when she was on Knight Rider, and has always had McDreamy hair.
It’d be hard to pick a first guest – cause who wouldn’t wanna be on that show? I’d probably pick someone important, like the President of Canada or the Prime Minister of North Dakota. You know, someone from an important country. I would do any of those puffy interviews though, prepare to be grilled on my show. I’d hit the important topics that have caused some much fighting during our current election cycle. Like moonshine rights, or how come I didn’t get to ebay one of those old space shuttles? I’d wanna get to the bottom of the conspiracy surrounding Falco, and that he faked his own death. I’m pretty sure I saw him once in a 7-11 in West Covina – I was way high though.
3 – Rumor has it that there was a big musical number smack dab in the middle of “Billy Purgatory: I am the Devil Bird” where Billy and Anastasia sing a duet and defeat the Time Zombie. Why was this cut? Are there plans to add it into another Billy book?
The big musical number had to be cut because I got into a rights war with Katy Perry over my lyrics to “I kissed the Time Zombie and I liked it.” Her lawyers totally need to step off with their pin-stripe leg humping because I never said Cherry Chapstick once. So, I had to write Katy Perry’s Honey Boo-Boobs out of the book.
The new plan is to have the musical in Billy 3, I’m using Natalie Imbruglia for a temp-track:
…because honestly, how hard is it gonna be to talk Natalie Imbruglia into it?
4 – You’re stranded on a island (like LOST), what are the five things you’d want to have with you and why?
I always travel with a mongoose – mostly because I’m at war with cobras, and lasers, and Paula Deen – so I guess you’re gonna make me count that as (1).
(2) I keep a mirror on me at all times, because I dig checking myself out. I guess I could use that thing to signal luxury yachts.
(3) A Brazilian supermodel. Because isn’t Brazil a jungle or something? I figure anyone who knows about jungle-stuff and wears spiked heels is the very definition of a living weapon. Plus, it’d be nice to have someone to pretend to talk to while we’re cooking mangoes or leaves or whatever it is they eat in the jungle – because I don’t talk Brazilian I don’t wax either. Then, there’s the definite plus that when a yacht finally picks us up she’d know all about yachts. That’s what models do when they’re not letting Terry Richardson take pictures of them in flannel, they hang out on yachts.
(4) A boomerang. It’s time for boomerangs to make a comeback, just like it’s time for Schlitz to make a comeback. I’d look cool with a boomerang.
(5) Airwolf. Out of all the 80s hi-tech action-show vehicles, I think Airwolf would be the best at getting off an island with. Street Hawk isn’t gonna make it off the island. Automan is useless, because there’s not Atari on deserted islands. Not Blue Thunder, though. Always bet on Stringfellow Hawke.
I’d like to point out that I’d probably see how things went with the Brazilian supermodel before I let her know I had Airwolf. No use in asking her if she wants to be my Ernest Borgnine without seeing if that walk on the beach nonsense works first.
5 – Do you still pine for Amy Pond? or have you given up on the Scottish Redhead forever?
I’ve kinda given up on Amy Pond. Every time I think our relationship is going somewhere I find out I’m not really talking to Amy Pond, and it turns out being some guy in Detroit who likes to pretend he’s Amy Pond online. I don’t really blame Amy Pond for that, but it’s definitely putting a dent in our share time – unless the texts start up when I’m drunk. Then I just kinda run with it.
So, there ya go! See why this man makes me laugh at least once a day? Pretty much everything he says he has to add his own brand of silliness to and I LOVE IT!
Also…he writes great books!!!
As if being my friend and being interviewed by me wasn’t awesome enough, Mr. Freeman’s birthday is MONDAY…and as a birthday present, I grabbed some yarn and my crochet (NOT KNITTING) hook and went to work on a special present…I’ll be writing up a big blog post including in process pictures soon!!! Because I’m horrible at waiting for things like this, I mailed it early and even though I specifically wrote on the package to not open it until his birthday, Mr. Freeman didn’t listen (as if I was really going to make him wait…ha ha ha!!!)…below is what he got…A Billy-amigurumi!!!
A call to arms: Hipsters, please make sure you leave a fun birthday message for Jesse, ok? We want to make it an extra special day for him. 🙂 Oh…also, go buy both his books! BILLY PURGATORY: I AM THE DEVIL BIRD and BILLY PURGATORY AND THE CURSE OF THE SATANIC FIVE . That would be an even BETTER Birthday gift, right??? 😉 And be on the look out…BILLY 3 is in the works!!!
That’s all for today, my friends. Check back soon for more…I’ve got a small list of ideas I would like to write about including my big Top Secret crafty project (mentioned above), some music stuff, some new book recommendations and a more author interviews!